Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
