Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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