What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
jump out the window naked night went bad
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
