i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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