Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
