I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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