thus making me awesome and them whores
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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