I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
