ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if only i could text you this smell
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize