i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
