yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
