meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
