I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
