420 ftw
I faked an abortion last night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
