I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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