Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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