oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I supernannyed him into submission
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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