Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
