Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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