She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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