If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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