He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
