I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
