You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
