just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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