Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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