Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
