420 ftw
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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