remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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