Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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