Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
