I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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