just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
