My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
