just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize