This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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