The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
