just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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