Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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