you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
