Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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