mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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