So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
