i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
