Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is Oprah even human
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize