I think my vagina is haunted
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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