It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
