wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
