I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
