We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
