I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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