I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
