now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
