If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
