I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't think brook has ever known best
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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