You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
