At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize