Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this will be a night to untag.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
