why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
