theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
