When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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