Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
