She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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