why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
