Buhtt sex?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
