I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
