i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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